Coming Out

For the "Kitten".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I dearly love the offspring of my siblings. No doubt, they have been as bright a light as I've had in my life. They are all so special, they make me feel......special. There is one though, that used to curl up in my lap like a kitten and sleep. Recently that one posted a notice concerning the wearing of purple...for today...for yet another group of humans being discriminated against.

A dark tale.

I guess I was maybe fourteen. My friend down the street and I had shared much time together. We had rode bikes together. We had built model cars, he had even shown me how to carefully cut and glue felt inside the cars for carpet and upholstery. We had spent time swimming in the lake, fishing and many other things that small town kids do. We had spent the night at each others house quite a bit. I even laid on the junior high gym floor once shining a light on him while he sang a song that I hated at a talent show.

One night, at his house, we had gone to bed and were sitting up talking and he asked a question that would change us forever.

He asked me if I wanted to have sex with him.

My upbringing and the time I spent in the local church quickly built a fire in me that would be many years bringing under control. My first thought was that if two boys touched each other they would both be in the fires of Hell, suffering for all eternity, almost and surely, immediately.

I went home.

Those who know me best and longest have no idea this ever took place.

Our friendship was instantly destroyed and he became the most evil I had ever known. How dare he subject me to certain damnation. The beating he took on the school bus, well...it wouldn't surprise me at all, if it was still talked about. How two close friends and neighbors who stayed joined at the hip for so long......... It was the worst beating I ever gave anyone. Before or since. Still, he came to my house once again and once again, he got a pounding. No one that age should carry that kind of rage..........or fear.

Many years later. Maybe with moving around as much as I have in my life, I came to realize we had more in common that I thought. He was different, I've always been different. But he never held that against me. Many others have throughout my life. I have done something simple for a very long time that has created more harsh responses and feelings than you can imagine. I've worn a beard. It has been the subject of countless disagreements among those I've met along my journey. Different. I actually thrive on being different. Want to insult me? Tell me about someone I remind you of. Funny, the mantra is "Think outside the box", but never ever GET outside the box.

During the time when I was learning to be Catholic (Baptist to Catholic, different)I thought I had learned first hand, discrimination. From members of my own family as well. But there have so many other ways that I have strayed. But again, during my conversion to Catholicism, I found out that my friend had died........of AIDS. I felt no such "Well, I'm not surprised!" I found myself very upset that I had never apologized to him and tried to make things better somehow. My future priest told me that he knew, my friend knew how I felt......he was my friend.

Some might say I've grown up, come of age.........given in? I don't believe in middle age crisis. It is just that maybe I'm not so concerned with what people think of me or my beliefs.

I, over the years have had to deal with the issue being challanged...er...ah...picked on for various...er...ah... non-conformity's. Those who think they have some sort of edge on you will use it to their advantage, even if one doesn't exist. It's as if your difference makes you weak. My "weaknesses" have driven my life. Wrong, but true, but I say to all of you who have "weaknesses", I'M STILL HERE ! And many I knew before...aren't. There are many issues that I'd rather not have as the topic of conversation, but I am still here. Be strong, don't give up, out live them. Be you. Those that would treat you wrong because you are different have no idea how special it is to be different. I have much respect for those who will be as they are and stick up for themselves. That is how I came to appreciate difference. Any one who will stand up and be counted, shine your light in a dark room.

And to those who want you to believe that God will strike someone down for being different than they, tell me why people will quote John 3:16, but not John 3:17.

Anyway, I just wanted to tell that kitten, I bought and wore a purple bandanna today. I'm not sure how many had any idea why, but maybe....just maybe someone saw this old man today and was inspired....to be different.